4 days out

before dieting:




12 weeks out


8 weeks out



4weeks out




2 weeks out


4 days out




depleted depleted depleted.

thats what i am now.

no energy to even walk.

light headed when i stand up.

lost the retardness in me according to my darling.

friday-tuesday 50g carb.

finally tmr will be a carb up....my muscles have been screaming feed me u asshole.

tmr ...will be the final test....

cardio and circuit training with 0 food intake no carbs not even protein.

but after hell....i know im gona enjoy my potatos baby.

its been 3 weeks of 50g carbs with only 2 170g refeed days per week....i really hope it paid off....

ive done what i possibly could,taken my body as far as it can possibly go.

now it all lies in the hands of the judges...

please...award me for my hardwork...

i really want this.

special thanks:

even if someone else beats me to this,i just wanna say,thanks to abel and edmund for sponsoring us,my dear gf for the shit she has to go through and the lovely card she gave me,adrians guidance,brandons opinions and advice and being a lovely training partner all these while,im sure the top 2 spot is urs. travis advice and encouragement. max and others who always wanting to see my condition and giving me sound advice and not what i shld improve on and what im good at.peter who got me started in competitive bodybuilding. benson for accomodating to my timeslot of training,all the best to u too.elton for his advices along the way,lex for giving me his protan and sound advices, weihao ,for never failing to request to take a look at my body everytime he books out of camp and the very sweet thought of calling me in camp just to ask me to hang on for a few more days.last but not least,my parents,without u,i wont even be doing this sport. thanks for all the advices,support in each and every single way along my journey the past 12 weeks. the things u do for me are incredible,the food supplies bearing and understanding my temper and attitude and not complaining a single time,never failing to understand and comprehend never failing to encourage me whenever i feel like crap ,like i cant make it.no matter what the outcome, i will give the both of u a big hug on comp day itself...and a huge treat once i start working.i love u guys...to everyone else...thank you v much.

13 days

sometimes...i wake up from a nap..

thinking im losing it...

i sit up thinking wtf am i doing.

i walked to the bus stop...wanting to go to the tattoo convention...

suddenly....my legs just brought me back..back into my room...taking my clothes off and just lying on the bed just too exhausted...

waking up gettting msgs of breakups and all...

den i looked at myself in the mirror...what has becomed of me...

these days ...sometimes it becomes so bad....i literally do things out of a routine...a regime ...more than what i want to do...i do what my body tells me to do...whr my mind doesnt play a part inwhat i do anymore...

we got our sponsorship...

finally smth we worked so hard for...at the brink of insanity...and finally we r starting to get recognise for what we do...

we dont go to extremes for nth...we expect results...we expect nth less than a top 3.

right now...i can tell u ...u can get a the hottest supermodel in the world to strip...and u can put a plate of hamburger and fries beside her...without choosing..i will go for the food...

thats how bad it gets.

its time for u to go away for good

just as i was feeling alil down today,i happened to chance upon a very interesting interview and short documentary on kai greene and also read some fantastic articles from pauline nordin.right now i feel accomplished,know what i wanna do,what i shld do and i shall shut off anything that hinders me away from my goal. my eys are only fixated on one thing.

1)It is never cool when someone tells you degrading comments.

It is never cool when someone tries to make you feel confused and insecure.

if you sense they are not contributing but just taking from you,when they purposely try to neutralize you by making you feel, look, appear, act or interact more blandly, it is time to say good bye for good.

2)I cannot afford to focus on tuning in to the drained sensation, the “I’m so tired” comment I try to ban, making it a NONpart of my vocabulary.

You are what you think. You become what you think.


For me cardio was never a “walk in the time”. Every session has a purpose, every session has a reason, a target, a goal. I am just as anxious about those as I were at repping my deadlifts better than ever or increase the weight in the squats. But this is another game…. I see stars, yeah, I need to hold on to the machine because honestly I’m embarassed I’d fall some time….. I’ve never passed out in my whole life and I won’t now either but the thought has crossed my mind.

I FEEL ENERGIZED, I AM FULL OF ENERGY. You become what you think. So I choose to think I am invincible.

wtf

without any sense of sensitivity.

"eh why u so skinny? what happened to you? wa lau u dam skinny now man."

those were the first words that were said to me when i first stepped into school.

for some reason, i felt confused, i didnt know how to react. i tried to smile and pretend it was nth but truth be told,i swallowed hard and was sorta paralysed with all the emotions gg inside me,i simply didnt know what to say and certainly didnt bother explaining.

those words kept ringing like chruch bells in my head through the whole lecture.

those few words felt like a thousand knives into my heart.

20 days

while waiting for my eggs to cool i shall post a short one.

gosh....20 days left....not even 3 weeks.

its great having everyone telling me i look so much better compared to 3 weeks ago...drastic improvements made in terms of condition and vascularity. however i know the existing water retention problem has still yet to be settled.

uping cardio to 1 and a half hours morning and night and sometimes after training,i do hope to bring my body fat to 7-8% come comp day.what i see in the mirror...well...im only 65% satisfied....i know...that isnt a good thing to say 20 days out from comp!

the last time i took my fat% it was 10% on the dot...and i tell u its a real bitch bringing down ur bf% to single digit when u r not taking stuff like ephedrine ,clen and especially when u ran out of fat burners.

contemplating if i shld go for nationals...well ...i doubt so..its time to enjoy life...work and earn some$ to save and so many other plans in mind...getting my tattoos...going for a short trip with my friends and family.eating out with my friends.training up for my napfa...for the command school i so wish to aim for.

but b4 all that blurs my vision,i betta stay on track.

its a gd thing to know that thr is competition in ur category...i know theres a formidable guy training at the same gym as me...and brandon knows he too has at least one formidable opponent hes gg up against.

i guess....nth we can do abt gaining muscle for now...

its about who is gg in as the person who is coming in as the most peeled and detailed guy.

one thing that really irritates me is when pple ask me r u sing this and that or have u started using this and that...when i reply...they say things like..no wonder ur condition improved so much.its really fucked up cuz they dont see beyond those stuff... they dont see the hrs of cardio put in...10x more than them ,the change in diet and training and supplementation .. it irritates me too when pple say u know,u gotta improve on this and that bodypart gota bring out this and that...i mean,come on...its 3 weeks out and ure still telling me this crap? wtf can u do in 3 weeks ?

i know by saying to be anything after first position is pointless....its putting a hell lot of pressure...but seriously...who trains to get 2nd?

with the opening of 2010.....lets all hope ill start it off with my dreams coming true....with a bang.